However, they can tell you what you Healing from heartbreak isnt easy, although its inevitable in some relationships. Sarah Barkley is a lifestyle blogger and freelance writer with a Bachelor's Degree in Literature from Baker College. We want to shift this so our time, energy, and resources are well spent, so we can solve our own problems, and . But March 13th is also a time to reflect on what Jimmy meant to me, because although his death was a tragic event, it inspired me to choose a better life. We Can Control How We Respond to Things We Can't Control We Can Control How We Respond to Things We Can't Control By Laura Fenamore "When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ~Viktor Frankl Every year, March 13 th is difficult for me. Some of the things you read you get an immediate reaction to so I've stopped reading things now. Instead of tuning out to avoid the pain, dealing with and even embracing tragedy and its consequences gives us an active role in guiding our own change and growth. Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D., is on the medical staff at the Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital Somerset in New Jersey. For every action there is a reaction and every reaction bares a consequence, be sure the things you do today are worth the price you could pay tomorrow. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. This is your true calling in life, your vision for the future. Note how you feel. If you always focus on the things you cant control, you wont find peace or happiness in life. No one else can do that for us, or can make us do it, either. We can't control other people and we can't control our environment (we can create it, just not completely control it). It is an inner acknowledgement of how things are at the moment. Hold off on visiting elderly friends or family members. March 13th would have been my brother Jimmys 64th birthday. Observe the outcome of your reactions: Pay close attention to the results of your reactions. If you can make the switch, youll quickly notice that you become happier. However, at the moment, the situation is what it is, and we ought to release our resistance to how things should be. Michelle Obama. What you can control, as always, is how you respond. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. I know that its not always easy. Some people do try some nasty things to get at them and try and get a reaction from them. We can control ourselves. To be able to spread the only positive form of contagion there is: calm. Subscribe to get our free Daily Stoic email. Remember what youre working toward. Think about the meaning or origin of your reactions: There is a reason that you react as you do. There are many benefits to reaching your fitness goals, and daily affirmations can help you stay on track. Cancel or postpone events if you have them. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Therefore, when you are angry and out of control, you are temporarily insane. What You Need to Know If You Obsess About Weight Loss, On Making Positive Choices for a Happy, Empowered Life, If You Hate Your Body and Think You Need to Fix It, Relationship anxiety/commitment fear or just not the one, Something I realized about my anxiety attacks, Someone called me ugly and my gf agreed (indirectly), One of the Most Freeing Things We Learn in Life, 30 Simple Mindfulness Practices to Help You Focus and Be Present, 8 Things Not to Say to Someone Whos Struggling with Anxiety, Nothing You Do Will Be Enough If the Relationship Isnt Right, How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents, How Restrictive Diets Mess with Our Brains and Lead to Bingeing. Votes: 1, It's almost as if we each have a vampire inside us. That means that you've missed 17 of them! Refresh the. Plus, you can put that energy into something you can control rather than wasting it on the things you cant. Marilu Henner, The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over. Things in life might not always work out the way you hoped they would. To prevent the unnecessary spreading of the virus. Focusing only on the things you can control in life will help you move forward and find success. "You can never control or change how others think, feel or act. Misunderstandings are a normal part of life, and the outcomes of these depend upon how we choose to react to them. Some people have it worse than others. Although most of us realize what we control and do not control, we live as though we do not really know, and in some cases we spend years focusing on things we cannot control. Hope yours is too. Now, of course, we already knew this as we have received a barrage of emails telling us that fact with varying degrees of animosity. Imagine a better response: Think about better ways to respond. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Educate: dont spread misinformation about the virus. In other words, our feelings, or judgments about our experiences, are . So, when faced with something you cant control, turn your focus to how you react instead. I don't believe in Fate. You can't pretend that everybody likes Versace. It's okay when we have to face them just once or twice, but there are times when these people emerge in facets of our life where we have to deal with them on an ongoing basis. It's almost as if we each have a vampire inside us. Marya Mannes, You can influence, direct and control your own environment. Could you do this? The first step toward change is awareness. While You Can't Control How People Treat You, You Can Control How You React | by Spencer Sekulin | Mind Cafe | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. One wrong word can cause misunderstanding, leading to disruption and people being upset. When she isn't writing, she is immersed in a book or watching Gilmore Girls. Hi, it will be nice if we can import 4 default button (zoomIn, zoomOut and other), like external component not only inside Controls, because sometimes devs need to wrap this button by another compo. Votes: 3 Get past the negative feelings, though, so that you can move forward. ManageCamp Inc.9249 S. Broadway, Unit 200 - #331Littleton, CO 80122, 2014 - 2022 ManageCamp Inc. All rights reserved. Victor Frankl was clearly an extraordinary man. When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways - either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength. will not save you. Dont be stupid. Mark Victor Hansen, If youre yelling, youre the one whos lost control of the conversation. And to prevent unnecessary overloading of medical professionals, emergency services, airlines, and other critical infrastructure, so that the people who actually need it can access it. She's chronicled her own weight loss journey in her book,Weightless:The Be Good To Yourself Diet. I was 11; Jimmy (as I said) was 26. It reminds me of the tale of The Two Arrows, in which the Buddha tells of a person being struck by an arrow which causes them pain. "Change is not a four letter wordbut often your reaction to it is!". Dont be stupid. Learn a more compassionate approach to yourself: Because personal change takes effort and time to accomplish, it is important to support this process within yourself. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Our focus and energy needs to be on the things we can control. All you really have is now. We cannot control the events of change in our life, but we can control how we react to the impact that these events have on our lives. Let us control how we react, and react with joy and confidence. It can make you angry, depressed, and unhappy with your life. Dalai Lama Instead, think of where you want to go next and come up with a plan to get there. And that every action has a reaction. I can control my emotions, my attitude, my effort every day. No role is so well suited to philosophy as the one you happen to be in right now.. The root of suffering doesn't come from what we experience, but rather from, You see, events occur throughout our lives that forever alter us, and it is. If it isnt where you live, there is a good chance it will be soon. When we can no longerchangea situation, we are challenged tochangeourselves. ~Viktor Frankl. Seth Adam Smith The Moon rules our emotional nature, how we react in situations, and what is needed in our lives to make us feel emotionally safe and secure. Jackie Chan, To become mindfully aware of our surroundings is to bring our thinking back to our present moment reality and to the possibility of some semblance of serenity in the face of circumstances outside our ability to control. Remember that panic doesnt help. The ideal life is one that is in . Background image by: Sebastian Aguilar https://flic.kr/p/23Yy3HB Heres the backstory in the months leading up to the Brand ManageCamp conference, we typically send out 1 (maximum 2) emails to promote the event and make folks aware of any promotions or offers (like the upcoming free webinar next Tuesday). A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. Anger is a choice, as well as a habit. To prevent the unnecessary spreading of the virus. The first course of action was to cancel whatever emails had not been sent. You can always control your focus and effort, the two main things that lead to success. Batch your online orders if youre stocking up to reduce the need for inefficient shipments and stress on already stressed supply chains. You can't go back to how things were, or how you thought they were supposed to be. All you can do is change how you react to it. In fact, happiness is something you get to choose, regardless of your circumstances. Maybe it was a job you wanted or a new apartment or an item of technology. Take take take take over control. Dont hoard: hoarding essential goods hurts other members of the community who lack resources to prepare. No matter how long it took, no matter how many storms they endured, the North Star kept them moving in the right direction. Here are four tips to help you do it: Last year I wrote an article encouraging you to find your North Star. Most of us can only wish for his moral strength, insight, and wisdom. James Allen, The sign of an intelligent people is their ability to control their emotions by the application of reason. It's ours. But we can follow his lead by looking for the "space" in our own lives. Abraham Maslow 265 Practice social distancing: as much as possible, stay away from people outside of your family. Choose positivity and happiness in all situations because you always have a choice in those things. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. We must change our perception of them so we see the situation differently. Its that simple. This past month certainly has not been fun. What we have influence over and what we do not. . As Zeno famously said, Well-being is realized in small steps, but it is no small thing., We realize this well-being and fight this virus by the choices we make. Or just get out into nature. This can take practice, and it may be difficult at first because the ego likes to maintain control. If we can't control the viruses that attack our bodies, or the cancerous cells that attack our veins, what can we control? And so it is with you. quotes about reactions to situations. Youre not helping, youre hurting. We won't send you spam. Find a body of water like a lake or a river or an ocean, and just go sit there (weather permitted). More often than not, a lot of us end up reacting because we do not have the time to respond! You dont have control over your situation. They control the media. Epictetus, You control your future, your destiny. You very well may need to learn particular skills in making some changes. Save masks for doctors, nurses, first responders, and others who need them in the course of their jobs. Taking a time-out and removing yourself from the situation is an effective strategy to prevent overreaction and resolve conflict in a relationship. Therefore, I invite you to pick one or two situations youve been trying to control. But we can control how we respond to the second arrow, which is fuelled by our reaction and judgement. These quotes will help you remember how to deal only with the situations that you can fix while letting go of the rest. "Anger is an unnecessary emotion. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. In a similar vein, The Dalai Lama said, Pain is inevitable. Is this helping me? Its a mistake!. Some will haunt us forever.