Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Lift your head and spread your legs. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. I give the ball some sweet talk. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. had to choose, right ? He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Hit the ball. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. 20. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Whos there? 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download ~ Sijin Bt. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. He was puttering around. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. ~ Victor Hugo. PG Wodehouse. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. -Bob Hope Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory ~ George Bernard Shaw. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. 6. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. I stepped on a rake. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Because all the other four letter words were taken. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Two, be your own person. Damn, girl. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. The most important shot in golf is the next one. It was glorious when you did! Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Clubbing. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Required fields are marked *. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Why are golf and sex so similar? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Tahiti who? Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Choose Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Sam Snead. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Don't dirt your soul. P.G. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); If you break 80, watch your business. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? 9. All the fans are gone! What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? It can be rewarding. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. P.G. I was actually enjoying it. Sawdust City LLC. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Photo: Shutterstock. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Required fields are marked *. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. He attacks it. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Check it out now! I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Lee Trevino. Dirt your body. Lift your head and spread your legs. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Very interesting. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! "Hockey is a sport for white men. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't 4. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. My shaft is bent. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. 1. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Go to the golf course. The end. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. 2. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. My drives aren't always long and straight. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. I had a hole in nothing. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Golf?! Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Nuts! Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. "I'm the best. 3. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. 3 of 10. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Golf is very much like a love affair. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. In the Golf of Mexico! He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Noah. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. How the heck did that happen? They like cricket better. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? 7. I like big putts and I cannot lie. ", Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. 1. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Enjoy! If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Such is the game. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Basketball is a sport for black men. What are a golfers favorite flowers? My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! Boo. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? They have a hard drive. Find the ball. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Dean Martin, He loved the game. The lowest score wins. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. What does a golfer do on his day off? At the golf corpse! 4. 4. -Happy Gilmore. Your email address will not be published. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. 19. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Get in the hole! Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Golf is a lot like life. They have been there where we are standing now. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. 2. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. 3. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Clubbing. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember I Am Shuvo Saha. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. when we were married," said the pouting wife. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I've got some good news. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why a carrot as a logo? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Their fore-fathers! 3. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Here, have a carrot! Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Sir W.G. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. putt." And there are windmills. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Eight. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. 4. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Does a bear crap in the woods? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? "Golf is like a love affair. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. If we . Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. 21. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Big pupils lead to big scores. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Besides that, I love to explore. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Your fifth putt. Because you got me soaking wet. Whos there? -Lee Trevino Lee Trevino, 59. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20.
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